David Pilkington 25.04.30 - 10.01.21
 
Great thing about writing a eulogy is that you get to hear all the wonderful memories.
The drawback is that there are so many good ones you can’t possibly include them all!
So I’ll try to give an overview of David’s life, with some reflections on the kind of person he was.
 
David Pilkington, D P, David, Daddy, Uncle David, or Grandpa depending on the context in which you knew him, was born on the 25th of April 1930, in Whalley Range, the only child of Geoffrey and Mary Pilkington.
 
His father Geoffrey was an industrial chemist working on textiles. Daddy would often joke that his father had put a shrink resistant finish on him, which was why, despite regular baths, he had come out so tall! His mother Mary had been to secretarial school. He was born into a world that was very different from now, obviously pre-Internet, but also before television, the beginning of the NHS, the common availability of antibiotics or government funded secondary education. In those days, often only the son in the family would be able to have a university education and David’s own father had to stick with a shorter Science degree rather than being able to study for a longer medical qualification, because of the availability of funds in the family. World War I, the war to end all Wars was over. Spanish flu in 1918 had required many people to isolate at home. So when the 20s arrived everyone was ready to party. Geoffrey and Mary would go out tap dancing together!
 
David described how as a child his mother would send him out each day with a jug to meet the horse drawn milk float. The milkman would carefully measure out the required number of pints, which he would carry home to his mother to be put somewhere cool, as it was the days before electric refrigerators. In the long summer holiday from school everyone would be out in the fields helping to bring in the harvest, even children helping stack sheaves into stooks.
 
But another war did come, and During World War II (1939-1945) aged 9 he was evacuated to America, a journey by boat that would have taken several weeks. On reflection this must have been daunting for a 9 year old boy. He stayed with his grown up cousin Lindo and his wife Betty and was there for four years. Lindo and Betty Paterson were both research scientists, They had no children of their own, and  David was the son they never had. They subsequently visited David and his family as they grew up. David remembered being told ‘you can never know too much maths‘ which he often told us later! It turned out to be a happy time. When he got home from school there was always plenty of food in the fridge for a snack, then he was off to the beach, or to the barn to eat pound cake with friends, including Bucky Scott who he subsequently kept in touch with. When he returned to England aged 14 he was already 6 foot tall, eventually reaching 6 foot 4and three quarters, which was very tall for someone of his generation. I think it was all the good food!
 
Returning to post war Britain, just before the end of the war, involved a dangerous journey back by ship across the Atlantic where the U boats were active, and a flight from Lisbon. Life in Britain with rationing must have been very different from the sunny days in America. After only a term back at his old secondary school His parents, keen that he received the best education possible, arranged for him to start at Marlborough College boarding school.  On V-E Day, he remembered being given the afternoon off and cycling with two friends down the street, Three abreast, hands off the handlebars holding hands in celebration.
 
He was later to observe that having spent a long time away from home in America and then going to boarding school, he felt that he didn’t really know his parents as people very well, as he was growing up. He finished at Malborough with his school certificate and a place to go to Cambridge.
 
But before he could go to university, he had to do two years national service after the war, serving in post war Germany, and later in the territorial army, rising to the rank of Captain
 
He started at Cambridge University to study natural sciences in 1950 aged 20. In fresher’s week a friend from Malborough, Mike Tisdall, invited him to the Christian union. He found the people there friendly and went on subsequent weeks. There was one particular service where the preacher was speaking about Revelation 3:20, IN which Jesus is speaking and saying, Behold! I stand at the door knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me. Whilst David had always attended the church and been confirmed as a teenager, he realized that he had never invited Jesus into his life. He suddenly understood that he could have a personal relationship with him. This proved to be life changing. David’s Christian faith informed every aspect of his life from then on, from his values, to professional conduct, to his choice of wife, and use of his finances. He believed that this faith was worth quietly sharing.
 
Also at Cambridge he met Michael Griffiths, the student rep for The Inter varsity Christian fellowship, who persuaded David to help on a children’s beach mission in Wales. Also helping were three siblings Valerie, Rupert and Judith Kipping. The engine on their Austin 7 had been re-bored and they couldn’t do more than 40mph.  After a long slow journey hey arrived in Wales at one in the morning. It was pitch black. Rupert was amazed to find that David had stayed up to meet them, help them with their bags and make hot chocolate. Judith subsequently described her first view of him as being a tall gangly silhouette in the doorway. Over the course of the beach mission Rupert got to know him as a really lovely gentle giant. He was often pulled up to the front as a visual aid for anything tall or long and thin! David’s impressions of Judith were merely of a lively schoolgirl. For her he was just another of her brothers friends
 
David graduated from Cambridge University and started working in the civil service for the Inland Revenue.
 
Mike married Valerie in 1956 in a small but packed church. Rupert remembers sitting next to David crammed in at the front of the church watching his older sister Valerie come up the aisle followed by their younger sister Judith. David fell in love with the bridesmaid! Then 19 she was apparently a force to be reckoned with. Despite her Father’s disapproval she had gone to Manchester University to study music. This was convenient because David found himself visiting Manchester every fortnight as part of his commitment in the territorial Army, so would meet Judith and take her out for tea. Mike intervened and pointed out to Judith that with David being seven years her senior, he was looking for a serious relationship and that she should not be leading him on! She felt she was too young to be taking things seriously, so started to make excuses not to see him. Later Judith graduated, did teacher training and moving to Wisbech in East Anglia in her first teaching job. Rupert confided that once she got into teaching she became an even more forceful lady; he and Valerie wondered if she was becoming completely un-marriable. He had met David parents who he described as charming, but David’s mother was very dominant, which was probably a good thing as he wasn’t put off by Judy!
 
David, in his gently persistent and determined way continued to court Judith, visiting on alternate weekends. At that point he was working in West Wales, would leave work on Friday night, drive across the country to East Anglia (no motorways) sleep in the car overnight on Friday, arriving mid morning on Saturday. Staying in a boarding house on Saturday night and leaving on Sunday to return home. Judith described having to smuggle him past the head mistress’s office on a Saturday morning looking disheveled and unshaven and thoroughly disreputable after his overnight journey.
 
Eight years and three proposals later they were married in 1962, ‘Rupert commented that David was good for Judith, apparently she calmed down a lot. (I can’t imagine what she was like before, my memory of her is that she was always completely unstoppable!) but they were truly happy together. ‘Rupert described them as ‘one of the most successful marriages I know,’
My memory of them, is of having a mother who was bubbly, lively, extremely energetic, outgoing, and a quiet, sometimes shy father, who was always gentle, reliable and dependable in the background, often faithfully ploughing through the support tasks and paperwork that might be needed to make things happen.
 
In the early marriage years they moved frequently as David’s job moved from place to place. I was born two years later when they were living in Orpington and attending Farnborough gospel hall. At that point David was working on the first computerisation of the PAYE system, commuting into London daily and enjoying the work. Later he was promoted to being a Senior, then later a district tax inspector. Work that he found less interesting, but he had a reputation for taking an interest in his staff, and making good suggestions for improving the running of the system, that were frequently taken up by head office. Clare and ‘Tim were born in Orpington, they moved to Sittingbourne (Queens Road Baptist church) where Susannah was born, From there 2 years later to Broadstairs. 1972 (Salem Baptist) At Salem he helped in the junior church with mummy but couldn’t be a deacon as he hadn’t been baptized by emersion. He couldn’t say that his sprinkling was invalid.
 
My memories of him as a father were of walking next to a giant, reaching up above my head to hold onto his finger. As children we knew that he and mummy read the Bible together and prayed for us daily, again praying at night and thanking God for his goodness that day. We did family prayers, said grace at mealtimes and our parents always read a bible story as well as other stories and prayed with us at night. Apparently even as children DP regularly prayed for our future spouses as well! They were keen to make Sundays special and we did Sunday treats in the afternoon, either a fun activity or outing that we did as a family. … whatever it was, he made time for us.
 
The whole family moved to Cambridge in 1978, I was 14. He cycled to and from the office daily.  Various friends commented that once he’d arrived, all of a sudden they were getting a friendly and helpful response on the phone to the tax office if they called in about a tax problem. They joined St Matthews Church and were active in small groups and Sunday school. Together he and Judith had always been generous and hospitable. Rupert remembers them putting him up for three months in his early years of work. Later in Cambridge they opened their home to overseas student workers. In between they often invited friends, and sometimes newly met strangers from church to Sunday lunch.  
 
He was quietly kind and generous. He had a brain for detail and problems solving, enjoying puzzles. He enjoyed woodwork, DIY, gardening, waking & maps. He made us all toy boxes that we could paint ourselves, along with various other pieces of furniture that we used around the house. He was interested in family history, particularly in finding out more about the lives of the people In the family tree and could always come up with a bad joke, or a good pun.... depending on your point of view! When reading a story to us it was not uncommon for him to laugh so hard at the funny bits he became unable to continue reading.
 
He was interested in all kinds of facts, reading the Whitakers Almanac for fun, (Which was completely lost on me ) but consequently was always a good source of reliable information From politics, to public transport, to how to fix a tap, hang wall paper, or a wire plug.  If you needed help with Maths Science or history homework he was your man. He was a good patient and methodical teacher, teaching by helping you to do it whilst explaining why you did it that way. Susannah remembers him teaching her how to fix a puncture aged 3! He was prepared to invest the time, He wanted us to be prepared for life as adults. And in our teens we all received as birthday presents, practical bits of equipment for real life, a hammer drill, spanner set, tool grab and a black and decker work mate. He’d already taught us how to use them! 
 
As well as teaching us practically he also taught by example, If he made a commitment to something he quietly and faithfully followed it through. Mike and Valerie had gone overseas to do missionary work. When their children came back from overseas to UK boarding schools, he wrote to them weekly and visited regularly at weekends, driving over with a boot full of tuck from Mummy, and taking them out to lunch. He also kept in touch with to his godson Paul Bancroft throughout his life. He believed that all he had was a gift from God, including his money, which was God’s money to be used wisely and unselfishly. He gave us weekly pocket money, some to spend, some to save and some to give away. 
 
The house in Cambridge had a fairly big living room, and they were often happy to host the church young peoples group. Also we frequently had friends to stay over, some of whom to this day refer to them as a ‘Mummy and Daddy Pilk’. We later learned  that some of these friends saw our home as a place of stability at times when their own home circumstances were challenging. From Cambridge we all completed our secondary education, and with his encouragement went on to university.
 
As teenager I probably didn’t appreciate my parents in the way they deserved. They were really embarrassing, Mummy was loud, and Daddy seemed quiet and retiring, with a terrible sense of humour – always ready with a bad dad joke, or a good pun, depending on your point of view!  In my eyes he wasn’t one of those cool out going parents who were up at the front of life, with big entertaining personalities, But as a got older I came to appreciate that instead of being a big personality , he was more of a big person, not only in terms of the solid foundational underpinning role he had in our lives, but also a big person in terms of who he was, his generosity, integrity and selflessness.
 
He got baptised by immersion at the same time as Tim, at Woodhouse eves church. I remember at that point his testimony was that he’d walked with God for years and could say he felt God had been faithful.
 
He had an opportunity to take early retirement aged 56 in 1988 due to a civil service reorganisation.  In retirement he and Judith started working with the Barn International. This was a church based welcome centre for overseas students coming to Cambridge to study in the  UK. At the barn the team provided a chance to meet people, socialise and sometimes do fun themed activities . For the second half of the evening there would be a Bible study running for those who wanted to join it. For those who didn’t they could stay in the social area. They made many overseas friends, inviting many to their home, and some team members living there. David had always been socially retiring, now he learned to chat! And his outgoingness grew. 
 
They tried running an Alpha course for the overseas students but found that for many this was not very accessible as it assumed too many British cultural ideas. They therefore adopted a Visa course, developed specifically for overseas students, which went through some of the more basic concepts of Christianity in greater detail. Bartow describes, how far from Mummy doing all the talking and Daddy retiring quietly to a corner, they worked together as a team. When you turned up at the house, Mummy would be busy in the kitchen and it would be Daddy greeting people warmly at the door with name badges, study notes and interested conversation. He would also be active in leading some of the Bible studies and discussions.
 
Whilst Mike and Valerie had gone to the mission field abroad, David commented that he was relatively unadventurous with travel and was really glad that he could meet people from all around the world in his home city. They made many precious and long lasting friendships, both with the barn team, and the students attending. He became a trustee of the Friends International Student Fellowship of which he was treasurer and subsequently chair. He and Judith also had a had a vision for a Christian language school in Cambridge which they helped to set up.
 
About 12 years after starting at the Barn they did do a round the world tour, visiting friends in various different countries. A friend in Beijing took them out to dinner. David got up to take a photograph of their hosts and Judith sitting around the table. As a 6 foot four European in a restaurant full of Chinese nationals he did stand out a bit, but they were all amazed when somebody at an adjacent table turned round and said “excuse me are you David Pilkington from the Barn in Cambridge?”  It was somebody they had known 10 years earlier! The thing that surprised me was that they didn’t see this, or that they knew enough people around the world to be reunited with friends at every stop, as remarkable!. It struck me that this was just an example of how their humble and gentle hospitality had made a great impression on the people, now friends, who had come into contact with them. These friends had also had an impact on them, and opened up new horizons for them. 
 
Tim, and later Jo and Clare married and grandchildren arrived. Ella and Jamie, living Cambridge, visited them in the old family home frequently after school. Now that we hear their memories of Grandpa, they were clearly allowed to get away with all sorts of things that we were never allowed to! 
 
For us in Winchester Mummy and Daddy were like the Cavalry arriving to help with Rachel, Sam, Jeff and Eleanor. Always ready to play or help with practical tasks, for David particularly, with any good DIY project! Sam remembers sitting on grandpa’s lap. ‘Grandpa does it hurt having a beard?’  to which he received the wry response, ‘only if little boys pull it!’ Eleanor as a young teenager remembers a train journey she and Grandpa made from Nottingham to Winchester. He was reading and chuckling to himself, but when he tried to read it out to her, he was laughing so hard he couldn’t get it out, so she never did find out what was so funny. The main problem she remembers is that they were in the quiet carriage! 
 
David and Judith also made visits to Timothy, Bekaleigh and Hannah in Nottingham, and once David moved here, they made visits to him; which he absolutely loved. There was always a cupboard full of goodies ready for their visits.
 
Other regular holidays included joining the children and grandchildren in Polzeath, and holidays with Tim and Gail, and Gail’s parents, Noel and Betty who also became firm friends
 
He was interested in family history, particularly in finding out more about the lives of the people 
In the family tree. Glynn and Cara named their son Campbell as a result of his research.
He also enjoyed trains. A family trip for an evening meal on a steam train on the watercress line for Mummy’s 60 th stands out. Between courses at one of the stops David and Rich, my husband, (also a train enthusiast) headed up the platform to look at the locomotive, which as ever, he was a fount of knowledge about. Stephen remembers that when the driver invited David up into the cab he was like an excited school boy!
 
Judith developed cancer and died in 2008. She remained energetic and outgoing to the very end. Her concern was that David as a quiet one might become isolated once she had gone. They had always assumed that because he was Eight years older than her, that she might have a relatively long period of being a widow. He had left her well provided for. He had never expected to be a widower himself. She died in May. David missed her terribly. But that summer the church were running a children’s club, not immediately his thing we thought, by then very deaf, aged 78, but they needed someone to put the details of the children on a computer. He knew he could help, so again, he ‘got on with it’ and volunteered. 
 
He continue to host overseas student workers in his home, was also involved in the hearing-impaired society, wrote a book about the War Memorial in Saint Matthews Church, pursued his interest in family history, and continued to join the wider family for summer holidays in Cornwall. This was at Polzeath where there was again a beach mission, And he faithfully attended the Bible studies there. There he was known as Grandpa by many more people than just his own family.
 
Susannah married Nick a widower. David was delighted to walk her down the aisle and make the father of the bride speech at her wedding, welcoming Nick and his lovely daughter, Phoebe, to the family. He proudly held up both hands fingers stretched “I now have 10 grandchildren! That’s both hands full”. It was an iconic moment.

He continued to cycle around Cambridge, but fell and injured his back. This focused his mind on moving to a house that might be smaller, coinciding with a flat becoming available in Hilton Grange. He moved to Nottingham in 2016. He had been visiting Clare and the St Luke’s church for several years. Initially he missed the overseas student and friends in Cambridge but very much appreciated the welcome he got at Hilton Grange and at St Luke’s making many friends there. He was actively involved with a small group at St Luke’s. And at Hilton Grange he joined the coffee mornings, Bible study and monthly services. 
 
Health wise in 2018 he had four episodes of sepsis in quick succession.  During one episode of sepsis he was with us in Winchester. This coincided with our boys’ school prom. They visited him on the ward in their prom suits, to the delight of all the other occupants of the bay, They are wearing their prom suits again today, and the girls are also wearing their prom dresses in celebration of his life.
 
A further episode landed him in hospital here and later Hayward house hospice. He knew his survival was uncertain. Eventually he was discharged to Lings Bar rehabilitation unit, and from there returned to Hilton Grange with additional care. Again his quiet and persistent determination meant that he regained a lot of his walking stamina, and once again enjoyed being part of the friendly community at Hilton Grange. 
 
He even organised a train holiday that he could do with a wheelchair, inviting family members to join him. Rich was first in line, joined by Tim and Susannah, they had a whale of a time!
 
He felt it was a real achievement to reach his 90th birthday at the start of the first lockdown. Hilton Grange residents sang happy birthday to him from the car park while he was on his balcony!
 
Reflecting on 90 his years, he said he could see that God had organised the timing of events in his life perfectly so that things had worked out well. He often spoke of God’s goodness and faithfulness to him. 
 
My reflection is that he was a quiet humble unassuming man, with his faith in Jesus at the centre of who he was. Then he just ‘got on with life’, and by the end of it, God was able to impact powerfully and positively on many people. Having read and listened to people’s stories, it is clear that he impacted far more people than I had ever realized, and possibly more than he realized.
 
Like so many he found the isolation of lockdown hard, missing bumping into people when he went out for his daily walks. It was a relief when he was able to bubble with the Allen family. He had been diagnosed with cancer 15 or so years earlier, And it was now advanced. In the last few months he did become increasingly frail. He commented “I’ll  thank God for every day that he gives me, but I’m looking forward to meeting him”. We were privileged to be able to spend Christmas day with him. Four days before he died he had had a small stroke, and his GP advised us to come up and see him. He rallied for the next two days and had special time with each of his children. He had already expressed a wish not to be admitted to hospital for his last illness if at all possible. The carers at Hilton Grange were able to look after him wonderfully, and as a daughter it was lovely to be able to spend time with him, albeit in PPE! However on the last day he seemed a lot more tired and sleepy. Susannah, Clare and I were able to be with him. Susannah read a service with him, and we all prayed. He seemed confident and was responding to us. We turned out the lights to allow him to sleep. Checking back 10 minutes later he was settled but his breathing pattern had changed. We had been reading the Romans eight passage over the previous two days; we read this again to him now: For I am convinced that neither death nor life,….neither the present nor the future….,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 
He went peacefully to heaven. It felt as though we were at heavens gate way and almost that we could reach out and touch it. We were so thankful that his last illness was short and peaceful and that we could be there. We thank God for a wonderful Daddy, for all that he gave us; and for his life, that he lived out gently, humbly, persistently and faithfully, which spoke volumes of the love and faithfulness of his God,